Sunday's couch potato's (ID# 986584)

Ashley Niles's Team Buries Randolph Retards for Third Straight Win

Week 7

  • Ashley Niles's Team
  • 56.9 pts, 5-2
  • Weekly Grade
  • Randolph Retards
  • 34.9 pts, 2-5
  • Weekly Grade

Ashley Niles's Team has been hot lately, earning their third consecutive win when they annihilated Randolph Retards 56.90 to 34.90. They got a lift from David Johnson, who led the team with 17.10 points and the Kansas City Chiefs Defense who had 11.00. Going streaking usually draws attention to yourself, but not in positive way. Not in this case. Since starting their win streak in Week 5, Ashley Niles's Team has moved from fifth place to third. Ashley Niles's Team started three players with zero points while Randolph Retards served up four goose eggs, meaning both sides missed scoring opportunities. Randolph Retards stays put in seventh place with a 2-5 record. Ashley Niles's Team has now blown through Phil's Team (109.86 to 86.18) and POWERD BY BUD LITE (90.00 to 63.40).

Top Players

    • David Johnson
    • 17.10
    • Antonio Brown
    • 11.90
    • Kansas City Chiefs Defense
    • 11.00
    • Jarvis Landry
    • 9.80

Smooth Moves by Ashley Niles's Team

  • Ashley Niles's Team scored massive brownie points with the Toyota Hall of Fame this week. Too bad brownie points don't count as real points. Not that you need help.
  • David Johnson scored 17.10 points, which ranked seventh out of all the RBs in the league this week.
  • Ashley Niles's Team won despite having 3 of their 9 starters score zero points.
  • The Kansas City Chiefs Defense exceeded scoring projections by 29.6%, with 11.00 points against a projected 8.49.
  • With only 3 of their 9 starters beating their projected points, Ashley Niles's Team was still able to win.

Toyota Roster Tune-up

  • Don't worry, Randolph Retards, the Toyota Hall of Fame says losing isn't contagious. But it is embarrassing. And you should be embarrassed.
  • Randolph Retards left the 21.60 points scored by Mike Evans on the bench this week. He beat his projected point total by 89.4%, the 10th-highest percentage in the league.
  • Lost to Ashley Niles's Team, which had their lowest-scoring week of the season.
  • 4 of the 9 starters scored zero points for Randolph Retards.
  • Jordan Matthews did not meet his 9.28 projected points and has now underperformed versus projections for five straight weeks. He also scored a season-low 1.00 point.

What If

  • If Ashley Niles's Team played Randolph Retards every week, they'd be 6-1 this season.
  • Besides Randolph Retards, Ashley Niles's Team would have beaten only two other teams this week.
  • Had they played each other last week, Ashley Niles's Team would have defeated Randolph Retards 90.00 - 72.28.
  • Ashley Niles's Team would be 5-1 if they played the same schedule as Randolph Retards.
  • Ashley Niles's Team would be 29-20 if they played every team every week.
  • Randolph Retards would have lost to every other team in the league this week.
  • If they played the same schedule as Ashley Niles's Team, Randolph Retards would be 4-2.
  • Randolph Retards would be 13-36 if they played every team every week.

Game Notes

  • With 34.90 points, Randolph Retards scored the fewest points in the league this week and had the lowest score of any team this season.
  • The tragedy of being an underachiever is that Randolph Retards knows what they should be, but reality keeps telling them that they're wrong. They scored 34.90 points against a projected 52.59 and underachieved for the fifth time this season, including the last four weeks in a row.
  • Ashley Niles's Team won by scoring 56.90 points, the lowest winning score in the league this season.
  • Ashley Niles's Team was able to cover the 20.60-point spread in the win.
  • What good are running backs if they are running backwards instead of forwards? The 0 total points by the RBs on Randolph Retards was their smallest RB output this season.
  • In games that are blowouts, Randolph Retards is now 1-2, including losses in their last two such matchups.
  • With the win, Ashley Niles's Team remains undefeated in blowout games this season with a record of 3-0.
  • The win was the third in a row for Ashley Niles's Team.
Ashley Niles's Team
Randolph Retards
  • Points by NFL Position
  • Top Players by Points
  • Game Flow

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Fantasy MasterpiecesWeek 7

Shannon Sharpe Den - TE 2002 vs. Kansas City 12 Catches, 214 yards, 2 touchdowns In a career that included eight Pro Bowls and a seven top 2 finishes at the TE position in fantasy scoring, Sharpe was never better than his 214-yard, two-TD performance against the division-rival Chiefs in Week 7 of 2002.

In fact, no tight end has ever had a better week since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970. Sharpe still stands as the only tight end to tally 200-plus receiving yards in a game and his PPR-popping 12 catches is a total that has only been reached 17 times by a TE since the merger.
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