Fuck ol' Purvy Draft Report Card

Devonta Freeman
Julio Jones
Ezekiel Elliott
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and recap!

Despite an Exciting Group of WRs, Fuck ol' Purvy Isn't Anything to Fear

Draft Summary

Which lasted longer: Anthony Scaramucci's role in the White House or any chances that Fuck ol' Purvy could actually win this league? This team could be Mooching for wins all year, as they're projected to finish in fifth place with a record of 10-7-0 (2,855 points). They aimed for having a balanced roster throughout, taking QB Matthew Stafford (27th overall), RBs Devonta Freeman (8th) and Ezekiel Elliott (22nd), and WRs Julio Jones (11th) and Alshon Jeffery (38th). They ultimately built the worst QB tandem in the league, as they added Stafford and Philip Rivers.

You're close to greatness. And if being close isn't good enough for you, you might be worthy of the Toyota Hall of Fame. Nominate yourself now.


Week 5 might require some artful managing from Fuck ol' Purvy. They have six players and the most projected fantasy points on bye that week. Taking a look at the season from start to finish, they have a harder-than-average schedule. Along with having the fourth-most grueling overall schedule, Fuck ol' Purvy has the league's easiest first four games and most difficult last four games of the season.

Draft Notes

  • Separating the Wheat from the Chaff

    At three different positions, Fuck ol' Purvy picked up projected top-two players (Kansas City, Julio Jones, and Matt Bryant).

  • Close to the Vest

    Fuck ol' Purvy was focused on a squad with minimal risk, grabbing seven "low-risk" players out of 17 picks.

  • AARP Card Arriving Soon

    With an average of 8.1 years of NFL experience, Fuck ol' Purvy is the team most likely to have a player qualify for a senior citizen discount.

  • Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

    And then watch that basket. Ignoring roster depth, Fuck ol' Purvy chose only one player at three different positions (TE, DEF, and K).

  • Red Zone Regression

    After eight straight seasons of recording five or more touchdowns, Olsen reeled in just three last year. Fuck ol' Purvy expects a return to the norm in 2017.

  • Digging Deep

    Joe Flacco is owned in only 3% of all Yahoo! leagues, but will surely reward Fuck ol' Purvy for their faith! Or not.

Player Analysis

    • D. Freeman, RB
    • Round 1, Pick 8
    Turn Up The Volume

    With 272 touches, Devonta Freeman is projected to rank 10th in the NFL in that category. Fuck ol' Purvy demands more!

    • Julio Jones, WR
    • Round 2, Pick 11
    Stepping on a Banana Peel

    Julio Jones slipping to Fuck ol' Purvy could be the cause of many sleepless nights for the other managers.

    • E. Elliott, RB
    • Round 3, Pick 22
    Like the End of the Night

    Ezekiel Elliott is sure to find daylight. The bright-shining RB is projected to rack up 9.2 rushing TDs this year, third overall in the NFL.

    • M. Stafford, QB
    • Round 4, Pick 27
    Grab Your Umbrella

    Matthew Stafford will be making it rain on DBs this year, and is forecasted to finish seventh in the NFL with 4,228 passing yards.

    • Philip Rivers, QB
    • Round 6, Pick 43
    Fuck ol' Purvy Selects Signal-Caller Rivers at Pick No. 43

    The Chargers' man under center is projected to score 273 points this year, nearly identical to his total last year.

Best Available

With three below-average positions on Fuck ol' Purvy, RB and TE are expected to be the worst of those potential areas of need.

    • Danny Woodhead
    • Rank 74, ADP 98
    • Jonathan Stewart
    • Rank 95, ADP 117
    • Jordan Reed
    • Rank 58, ADP 52
    • Kyle Rudolph
    • Rank 81, ADP 74
  • Bye Week Points Lost

    Each bar represents the total projected season points for each player that's on bye that week. This chart shows any potential bye week issues.

  • Pick Number Minus ADP
    Pick Number

    Bars above zero indicate a pick was selected later than a player's ADP. Bars below zero show players that were taken earlier than their ADP.

  • Avg Points by Position vs League
        Team     League

    The average projected points for all the players at each position versus the average projected points for all players at that position in the league.

  • Schedule by Opponent Points

    Week-by-week schedule with each opponent's projected season points. This chart shows any difficult or easy stretches in the schedule.

How We Grade

Draft grades are based strictly on teams' draft performances. This is calculated by counting the number of fantasy points teams are projected to score over the course of the season using their optimal line-ups. The grades do not take schedule into account. Because of bye weeks and other variables it is possible to earn a high grade yet be projected to finish in the middle of the pack. The opposite is also true. Bottom line: Fantasy Football is like the real game. You can draft the greatest talent in the world but you still need to manage your team every week to get the most out of that talent. As a wise man once said, "On any given Sunday..."

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Fuck ol' Purvy
1. (8) Devonta Freeman (Atl - RB)
2. (11) Julio Jones (Atl - WR)
3. (22) Ezekiel Elliott (Dal - RB)
4. (27) Matthew Stafford (Det - QB)
5. (38) Alshon Jeffery (Phi - WR)
6. (43) Philip Rivers (LAC - QB)
7. (54) Terrelle Pryor Sr. (Was - WR)
8. (59) Jarvis Landry (Mia - WR)
9. (70) Rob Kelley (Was - RB)
10. (75) Matt Forte (NYJ - RB)
11. (86) Greg Olsen (Car - TE)
12. (91) Adrian Peterson (Ari - RB)
13. (102) Darren McFadden (Dal - RB)
14. (107) Joe Flacco (Bal - QB)
15. (118) Marvin Jones Jr. (Det - WR)
16. (123) Kansas City (KC - DEF)
17. (134) Matt Bryant (Atl - K)

Best Draft

Best Draft is awarded to the team with the most projected season points based on weekly optimal starting lineups.

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