Hit Em With The HEEEEEIINNNN!! (ID# 731582)

Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr Scrapes Past Blitzburgh to Grab Fifth Place

Week 5

  • Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr
  • 124.28 pts, 3-2
  • Weekly Grade
  • Blitzburgh
  • 121.86 pts, 2-3
  • Weekly Grade

Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr got 27.80 points from Amari Cooper and 19.80 from Randall Cobb, edging Blitzburgh 124.28 to 121.86. It was one of the closest matchups to date, and the 2.42-point margin of victory was the smallest recorded in the league this season. Blitzburgh was led by the tag team of Carlos Hyde, with 23.40 points, and Aaron Rodgers, who scored 17.86. Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr (3-2, 664.60 points) climbs into fifth place while Blitzburgh (2-3, 620.36 points) stays down in ninth place.

Top Players

    • Amari Cooper
    • 27.80
    • Carlos Hyde
    • 23.40
    • Randall Cobb
    • 19.80
    • Aaron Rodgers
    • 17.86

Smooth Moves by Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr

  • If this were a dream sequence, you'd hear a deep voice announce, "Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr, the Toyota Hall of Famer." But it's not.
  • The 27.80 points scored by Amari Cooper ranked 10th in the league in scoring this week and fifth for any player on Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr this season.
  • The Minnesota Vikings Defense has now overachieved in every game this season after scoring 16.00 points against a projected 6.75.
  • Look, there in the sky. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's just Randall Cobb posterizing opponents. He had the ninth-highest score of any WR in the league this week with 19.80 points.
  • The 12.00 points scored by Matt Bryant outpaced his 7.25-point scoring projection by 65.5%.

Toyota Roster Tune-up

  • Somehow, all of your players had two bye weeks this week. The Toyota Hall of Fame calls that a bye bye week. Yes, it's a bad joke, but it's still better than your score.
  • Picked up Sammie Coates but left him on the bench, where he ranked fourth in the league in scoring and beat his scoring projection by 266.2%, the second-highest percentage in the league.
  • The Philadephia Eagles Defense, which Blitzburgh picked up this week, scored below their 7.55-point projection with 6.00 points.
  • 8 of the starters on Blitzburgh underperformed versus their projections.
  • The WRs on Blitzburgh let them down, resulting in a 57.90 - 27.20 difference at the position.

What If

  • If Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr played Blitzburgh every week, they'd be 3-2 this year.
  • Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr would have beaten three other teams besides Blitzburgh this week.
  • Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr would be 2-2 if they played the same schedule as Blitzburgh.
  • If Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr had played every team in the league each week, they would be 24-21.
  • Besides Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr, Blitzburgh would have been defeated by five other teams this week.
  • Timing really is everything. Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr would have lost to Blitzburgh 142.82 - 142.62 had they played each other last week.
  • If they played the same schedule as Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr, Blitzburgh would be 1-3.
  • If they played every team every week, Blitzburgh would be 18-27.

Game Notes

  • Lamar Miller had a season-low 3.40 points against a projected 18.98 in the win and has now scored below his projection in every game this season.
  • Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr won by scoring 124.28 points, their lowest winning score of the season.
  • Don't you hate that guy that always has to one-up everybody? Blitzburgh scored 121.86 points and lost. It is the 10th-highest losing score in the league this season.
  • The margin of victory of 2.42 points was the smallest in the league this season.
  • What good are running backs if they are running backwards instead of forwards? The 9.00 total points by the RBs on Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr was their smallest RB output this season.
  • We don't condone cheating, but this group of wide receivers might want to spray Stickum on their gloves. The 27.20 total points by the WRs on Blitzburgh was their lowest WR output this season.
  • Just because Robert Horry has seven NBA championship rings, doesn't mean he's one of the greats. Despite being on the winning team, Jacob Tamme scored 1.10 points against a projected 9.74 and has now underachieved in three straight games.
  • With the win, Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr improves to 1-1 in close games this season.
Jordan da Jiz Guzzlr
Blitzburgh
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