Hold My D*ck Pulls Off Upset Against Dez Caught It

Week 5

  • Hold My D*ck
  • 2-3
  • Weekly Grade: A
  • 117.82
  • Dez Caught It
  • 3-2
  • Weekly Grade: C+
  • 94.7

Hold My D*ck (2-3, 442.12 points) beat Dez Caught It (3-2, 591.00 points) 117.82 to 94.70, putting up the second-highest point total in the league this week. Hold My D*ck had a 72.02 to 37.60 advantage after the early games on Sunday. After the late Sunday games, they lost that lead and fell behind 92.70 to 83.62. Thanks to 13.00 points from Josh Brown, Sunday night ended with Hold My D*ck on top.

Top Players

    • Blake Bortles
    • 37.22
    • Tom Brady
    • 29.30
    • Devonta Freeman
    • 26.70
    • Antonio Gates
    • 21.20

Smooth Moves by Hold My D*ck

  • Picked up Blake Bortles, who scored 37.22 points, the highest of any player on Hold My D*ck this season.
  • Antonio Gates scored 21.20 points, the best TE score of the week and the fifth-highest TE score in the league this season.
  • Is this your audition for head talent scout of a pro team? Picked up Allen Hurns, who beat his scoring projection by 196.2%, the eighth-highest percentage in the league.
  • Sat TE Tyler Eifert on the bench, where he had the lowest TE score on the team with 21.00 points.
  • With 9.00 points scored versus a projected 5.74, the St. Louis Rams Defense scored more points than projected for three straight games.

Toyota Roster Tune-up

  • Tough week, Dez Caught It. We can only assume that all your starters were on bye this week.
  • Whoever gave you this advice, you might want to lose their number. Picked up and started the New York Giants Defense, which then scored below their 8.15-point projection with 2.00 points.
  • Dez Caught It could have used more points from the TE position, where Hold My D*ck beat them 21.20 - 1.30.
  • Our kicker can beat up your kicker. Dez Caught It got outscored 13.00 - 5.00 by Hold My D*ck at the K position.
  • It's times like these when it's important to support your players when they're down. So move the mouse pointer away from the DROP button. Demaryius Thomas scored a season-low 5.50 points, 43.8% of his projected 12.57, which is his lowest percentage of the year.

What If

  • If Hold My D*ck played Dez Caught It every week, they'd be 1-4 this season.
  • Besides Dez Caught It, Hold My D*ck would have defeated seven other teams this week.
  • Hold My D*ck would be 0-4 if they played the same schedule as Dez Caught It.
  • If Hold My D*ck had played every team in the league each week, they would be 16-29.
  • Dez Caught It would have lost to three other teams besides Hold My D*ck this week.
  • And they say procrastination doesn't pay off! Had they played each other last week, Hold My D*ck would have lost to Dez Caught It 125.82 - 71.06.
  • If they played the same schedule as Hold My D*ck, Dez Caught It would be 3-1.
  • Dez Caught It would be 32-13 if they played every team every week.

Game Notes

  • Don't you hate that person that always has to one-up everybody? Dez Caught It scored 94.70 points and lost. It is the eighth-highest losing score in the league this season.
  • Despite playing on the losing team, Tom Brady ranked fifth in the league in scoring with 29.30 points against a projected 25.26 and has now beaten his projection in four straight games.
  • The 30.20 points by the WRs on Hold My D*ck was the season-high for combined points from the position.
  • Hold My D*ck had their highest score of the season with 117.82 points.
  • The WRs on Dez Caught It collectively had their worst week of the season with only 27.90 points.
  • The win by Hold My D*ck snapped a three-game losing streak.
  • Dez Caught It could not extend their three-game win streak.
  • The 23.12-point margin of victory was the biggest of the season for Hold My D*ck and 10th-largest in the league this season.
Hold My D*ck
Dez Caught It
  • Points by NFL Position
  • Top Players by Points
  • Game Flow

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Fantasy MasterpiecesWeek 5

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Largent crossed the picket line a week before the strike ended, affording him an opportunity to face a Detroit defense full of replacement players. Largent took full advantage of the sub-par competition, rolling up a dreamy PPR line of 15 catches, 261 yards and a TD hat trick. It was the last time in Largent’s storied NFL career that he would reach 100 yards or score multiple touchdowns in a game.
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